I keep fantasizing about leaving him, squeezing every last penny out of him I can in a divorce, and legally marrying Elise myself so that she and her kid are guaranteed to have the same access to his funds that my kids and I do. The really bizarre thing is that he’s a fantastic, loving, involved dad to our two kids, and I never would have expected him to be able to leave behind a child of his like this. He thinks he can help create a whole new person, and it’s not his problem because the baby’s not inside his wife? I’m so angry he was going to abandon this kid with no remorse that I haven’t even started processing how I feel about the affair yet. His lawyer says she doesn’t have much of a case until the baby’s born, but you’d better believe I’m going to do everything in my power to get him to pay up every cent she’s asking for, before and after the baby comes. He cheated on me with “Elise,” eventually getting her pregnant, and I knew nothing about any of this until Elise slapped him with a lawsuit for money covering pregnancy costs. My idiot husband is trying to ditch his child, and I feel like I’m going crazy. And you may decide to withhold that information from her, but if you do, tell her why.) There isn’t a thing in the world wrong with that. (Even if you had told her something about the circumstances of your pregnancy, she might be curious at this age she might want more information-his name, for instance. Thirteen is an age when children are figuring out who they are, and if you have kept all facts about your daughter’s origins a secret from her, it’s not surprising that she felt moved to find out for herself what they are. It’s not a bad thing, either, for them to look their own hypocrisy in the face (think of this as the bonus good that comes out of this mess).Īs to your husband, I’m afraid he is going to have to face up to the fact that children (and adults too, for that matter) sometimes do feel a need to know their biological parents. Perhaps they’ll want to write her a letter (if she won’t see or speak to them in person or on the phone), acknowledging that they felt as they did when you were pregnant, but that everything changed for them after she was born.
Why shouldn’t they be aware that those chickens have come home to roost? Perhaps they’ll want to talk it over with her too. How do you explain all of this to your parents? By telling them the truth, too. How can I talk to her and convince her that her grandparents do not wish her dead? Should I force her to be civil to them, or let her come around in her own time? And how can I explain her behavior to my parents, who think she’s just being a spoiled brat? She’s also convinced this is because she is biracial, which to be honest I’m sure was part of what freaked my parents out at the time, though neither of them would ever admit it. She locks herself in her room when they come over and won’t accept gifts from them, not even money, because she feels like they wish she had never been born. Even worse, my daughter now refuses to have anything to do with her grandparents, especially her grandpa. My husband feels terribly hurt that our oldest daughter felt the need to search for a man who never cared about me or her. We also have two younger biological kids. But we repaired our relationship after my daughter was born, and when she was 3 I married a man who adopted her and has raised and loved her as his own. This was the only abortion they’ve ever been in favor of, which made it extra hurtful. My parents, on the other hand, are pro-life Christians. I’m pro-choice but could never abort a child of my own.
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